Here at Grad Hacker, we feel that simply being productive is not enough. What good is your inner, clandestine, productivity, if your bosses, colleagues, and you yourself don’t really know the extent of just how unbelievably productive, busy, stressed, in a rush, and important you really are? For these, reasons, each weekend we will provide you with a tip on how to act productive.
It’s 7:00pm on a Thursday and you’re finalizing a paper for a class with your partner. 7:35pm, you finish it and email it to your professor. You both get up, start packing your things when your partner takes a long sigh and quietly mentions, “Oh I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten anything all day.” You’re taken aback. It’s 7:35pm. Your mind does the math: “If the last time Jim ate was yesterday’s dinner, around 6, that means he hasn’t eaten for over 24 hours.” Suddenly, you feel like a glutton. You continue to think to yourself: “Man, I had that great oatmeal in the morning with raisins and and brown sugar, that killer burrito for lunch, then that half a pbj I made in the afternoon to snack on, and I’m about to go home and eat dinner.” You self-conciously feel your midsection to see if it’s larger than you expect. Then gluttonous guilt is replaced by feelings of inadequacy: “Am I lazy because I eat so regularly? Oh shit, I even exercise regularly. No wonder I didn’t have the highest grade on that midterm.” You finally manage to say, “Wow Jim, you haven’t eaten anything all day?” Jim then begins listing all the things he had to do today that prevented him from eating and it hits you: Wow, Jim is a really busy, important, and productive person. He doesn’t even have time for meals.
Take a lesson from Jim my friends: If you want to act productive, tell people you’ve been skipping meals. Sure you can actually skip meals, that’s what productive people do, but if you like to eat, just eat in private, quickly so as to not get caught, pop some Altoids to get rid of that oh-so-obvious onion breath, and tell people you haven’t eaten “in so long“. It works every time.
Fine print: Grad Hacker is for entertainment purposes only. The makers of this website are not responsible for adverse health effects from skipped meals, overeating, or overworking.