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Here at Grad Hacker, we feel that simply being productive is not enough. What good is your inner, clandestine, productivity, if your bosses, colleagues, and you yourself don’t really know the extent of just how unbelievably productive, busy, stressed, in a rush, and important you really are? For these, reasons, we will periodically provide you with a tip on how to act productive.
2009 can be the year you get your useless, lazy ass off your swivel chair and start contributing to society. That is, as long as you pick your resolutions from this list. (Yeah my resolutions post is later than all the other blogs in your reader, so what?)
Resolution #1: Get in Shape Already.
You make this resolution every year and yet you still see other, more attractive grad students getting play when you aren’t. This can end in 2009! You just need a good plan. Here’s a good one: Wake up at 5 am every day, make it to the gym by 6, workout for an hour, shower, and chances are you’ll be in at work by 8 am. This plan never fails. Seriously, I had this one friend that got huge with it.
Resolution #2: Work through Lunch.
Lunch is such a time waster, what with all that eating and socializing. Resolve to bring sandwiches you can eat at your desk this year. Your morning momentum will no longer be broken. Skipping it altogether is also an option.
Resolution #3: Find Some More Extracurriculars.
You can’t feel useful to the world by just doing the same boring crap all day. Most famous and successful people have a million things going on. I mean, you think Donald Trump got rich by running just one business? Hell no. So what are you waiting for? Become a secretary or treasurer of a couple extra organizations this year. It will boost your resume and keep your ideas fresh.
Resolution #4: Find a New Productivity System.
Preferably one that works this time.
Resolution #5: Buy Some Really Big Headphones.
Let’s be honest, the other people in your workspace are the ones that are really bogging you down. Chatting, music, coughing really loud. It’s obnoxious. You need to take care of it. One method is to use discrete earplugs or earbuds from your iPod. That’s okay, but it doesn’t quite say “You’re annoying and I’m too cool to listen to your annoyingness” the way really big headphones do. You don’t even need to listen to anything through them, just put them on so people know your time is too valuable to listen to them.
Resolution #6: Get a new PDA.
Don’t pretend like you didn’t see at least one ad for a pimped out phone during the holidays. The newest tech tools are like the latest steroids for baseball players, it gives you an edge over the competition. How are you supposed to compete with your peers when they have the ability to buy things on eBay or Amazon at lightning 3G speeds while you’re still just SMSing your way through the day? Please.
Resolution #7: Make Your Own Website. About Yourself.
Welcome to the digital age, rookie. A Facebook profile aint gonna cut it in the real world. What you need is a professional website about yourself that highlights how cool you are. If the url has .geocities somewhere in it, you’ve scored big.
Resolution #8: Finally Fix Your Computer. Like Clean Your Registry.
Your lack of productivity is definitely due to your crappy old computer, investing in a lightning fast new one is always a good bet. Or you could spend the time with some registry cleaners, a format and reinstall, even a new operating system. I hear Windows Vista is pretty slick. Whatever you do, make sure you spend some serious amounts of time getting every megabyte of RAM working for you.
Resolution #9: Get Organized.
What’s all that crap under your bed? Or those papers from courses during Spring ’06? That’s it! That crap is what’s slowing you down, what’s preventing you from reaching your dreams! Clean that up. Get a bunch of manilla folders, buy a label maker, do what needs to be done. With all that crap in its proper place you’ll be ready to roll into 2009.
Resolution #10: Stop Wasting Time This Year!
As Brent Musberger would say, this is “the grandaddy of them all.” You are wondering where the hell 2008 went aren’t you? Yes, yes you are. Well it went somewhere and that’s all that matters. You don’t want 2009 to go by like this one did, into the starry night with nothing but a few extra pounds in your midsection to show for it (see Resolution #1). So you need to have a specific, foolproof plan to capture 2009 and do something useful with it. The plan? Stop wasting time. You can’t get more specific and foolproof than that.
“Should old Aunt Quaintance be forgot?…”